Deliver us from Summer Fashion

Summer is almost over. 

I hope that means a deliverance from the following Hideous Fashion Trends We Wish Would Disappear Forever:



thesun.co.uk

 Usually, the sock & sandal combo I see with men is black socks with sandals. 

Really - why socks with sandals? Doesn't it defeat the purpose of cooler feet? It certainly isn't stylish, so that can't be it.  The only age group that can carry off socks and sandals are very little girls. Knock it off, people!



pauloflaherty.com





hocuspukeus.deviantart.com

Enough already with the muffin top jeans and other pants.  Please.  It looks like hell, it isn't flattering to any body let alone anybody, regardless of weight or fitness level.



zimbio.com
I still don't know what's going on with Beyonce's shorts in these photographs.  Is that a pocket hanging out?





laikepo.blogspot.com

 Can we abolish shorty-shorts and ultra-mini skirts? Unless you're posing for a men's magazine, that is.  Otherwise, shorty-shorts and ultra-mini skirts . . . ugh.    And the woman in the mini-skirt.  That patch of denim looks more like an ineffective bandage.



kittyklan.livejournal.com
Forever solves the mystery of "boxers or briefs."



abcnews.go.com

I still haven't figured out how wearing your jeans below your butt cheeks could possibly be comfortable or stylish.  Many say the style originated in prison , as a way to advertise the man's availability as a sexual partner. 

Whatever the reason, I find it laughable when I tune in to a show like COPS and see some baggy-pantsed guy trying to flee and elude, but his pants are literally tripping him up.  Talk about "dumb criminals."  Get some suspenders, dude. Better yet - get pants that fit.

Wait a minute. How could I possibly aid and abet any criminal wanna-be?  On second thought, keep those baggy pants.  We lock and load at my house, but those baggy pants could be the big tip-off to the neighbors that you're an undesirable person to have around.  Call 911!

Not to mention you look just plain foolish with your pants on the ground.

Wouldn't it have been interesting if this Voice of Reason

had made the American Idol finals?



holytaco.com
I bet her parents are proud.



whaletailworld.com

I don't care what kind of underwear you wear.  Boxers, briefs, granny tighty-whities, bikinis, thongs.  Do I have to see them?  Is it absolutely necessary for everyone in public to witness the turning and churning of your other cheeks as you walk down the street?  For Chrissakes, will you either pull up your pants or pull your shirt down so I don't need eye wash for the rest of my life?

What summer trends do you wish would disappear forever?

Six things that need a time-out

This post is inspired by  Mama Kat.

My list of Six People or Things that Need to Take a TIME OUT:

1.  Daft Punk's "Get Lucky." How the heck many times do they repeat "get lucky" or "get some" in this song? It's as annoying as the "na-na's" in that Journey song. Yes, I bet you're singing it now, too.  For a good laugh, check out Stephen Colbert's version of "Get Lucky."  Stephen Colbert does NOT need a time out, just so you know.

2.  This song, "Blurred Lines."  Please, radio stations, can we quit giving this air time? If you do, I'll take the video off this blog.

You could, instead, check out this response:

3.  Any store that has Halloween merchandise on display.  It's not even September people, will you knock it off, for frick's sake?

4.  People who park in the handicapped parking who do not have the proper permit in place, and that includes people who do have the permit in place but not the person the permit is for.  When you do that, it's called fraud, and you can face heavy fines.  Check out Stolen Spaces: How Handicap Drivers are Cheated in Metro Detroit and make sure you watch the video, too.  

5.  Manufacturers who insist on making slacks (pants) that hover well below the belly button, approaching the pubic bone of the wearer.  Please - this look is so nasty on everyone, even if they're built like Barbie. Stop it, already. I don't need to see plumber's crack on pre-pubescent girls or boys let alone the adults. I don't know how the criminal element gets away with anything when they're dressed like that.  If you pulled your pants up, you could run faster. 

www.theguardian.com
I don't care to know if you're a boxers, briefs,
 or thong kind of guy, either.

6.  People who use their cell phones for personal things when they're at work.  You definitely need a time out. I think that offenders' phones should be placed in a locked box until it is break time.  There's nothing more annoying than to have to wait for an employee to finish their personal business - "O M F G! A CUSTOMER! I'm on FACEBOOK for CHRISSAKES, can't they see I'm BUSY?" - so you can obtain some service.  This crosses all professions, not just those who are clerks in department stores or gas stations.  Medical personnel, educators, serving staff at restaurants - there are many guilty parties.  Sorry - you shouldn't be getting paid to play online.  Hang up the damned phone and get back to your JOB.

What things or people make your list of top six time-outs?

Adventures in Shopping

Summer Pot Pourri: 2009

A summer flashback to July 30, 2009.  Fashions . . . if they can be called such . . . haven't changed much in the last ten years or so, and I would hazard that they've not improved, based on this writing.  

Summer has been here for several weeks now.  Any time of year is good for thoughts worthy of great pondering, but for some reason, this summer has really brought out the Big Thinks.

I'm not a big fan of the "If you've got it, flaunt it" philosophy, primarily because whether or not you've got "it" is such a difficult thing to pinpoint.  Beauty, as it should be, is in the eye of the beholder - and everyone has different standards of beauty.  This is a good thing.

That said, I must say that my standards of beauty do not include cuppeths that overfloweth on a daily basis in public places.  Perhaps it is the places I shop. Walmart has never been the harbinger of fashion based solely on those who shop there. I can say this, because I shop there now and then and am definitely not fashionable. 

Why is it though, whenever I'm at that particular place of business in the summer months, all I see are Titties on Parade?  Nearly every female shopper under the age of 50 is showing off The Girls in some ridiculously low-cut tank top.  On some women, regardless of breast size, the tank tops barely cover their chests. 

I don't care how firm The Girls are, I don't care how saggy The Girls are, nor how large or small or in-between.  Women, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON BEFORE YOU GO IN PUBLIC, PLEASE.

I felt sorely in need of antiseptic eye wash by the time I left the store.

On the topic of overwhelming cleavage, let's turn our attention to cleavage at the other end of the body.

I'll say it for a hundredth time:  butt cleavage is not attractive.  It's only cute on babies, and it happens on babies only because when they start to become ambulatory, their diapers tend to start sagging and show off those cute little baby buns.

If you're not diapered AND learning to walk AND under the age of three, knock it off with the butt cleavage already.  I don't care if you're in tip-top physical condition, I have no desire to see the crack of your ass every time you bend over, sit down, or stand up straight or whatever.  I don't care if you have a tattoo (tramp stamp?) that you want to show off.  I don't care if you want to show off the latest color of your "underwear" (whale tail?).  PULL UP YOUR DAMNED PANTS, PLEASE.

And parents, get your little girls some pants that cover their heinies, please. Your little girls are definitely jail bait until the age of 16 in most states, and pants that cover butt cleavage are definitely available if you look for them.  I know, because I've purchased them and my daughter wears them.  Try Kohl's, Sears/Land's End catalogs, and there are some WalMart brands that cover underage female tushies.

On that note, you might invest in suspenders for your young boys, too.  They really need to pull up their pants.

Before I close this section on fashion, or my own lack thereof seeing as the things I'm complaining about seem to be current fashion anymore, can we stop with the flip-flops, please? Back in the dinosaur age, when I was a kid, we called them "thongs." Now, however, "thongs" refer to that piece of dental floss that separates butt cheeks, which is supposed to double as underwear.  Anyway - can we quit wearing thongs to church and school, and in the workplace? 

I'm feeling rather harassed by the lawn chemical companies in our neighborhood. Every other day this spring there was a flier in my newspaper box or hanging from the mailbox or doorknob advertising the special deals from some lawn spraying company.  Each company claimed to maintain the lawns of all my neighbors, and would, for the low low price of something-99 help eradicate the weeds in my front yard with regular treatment.

I finally called the lawn company who left the most fliers at my house and demanded they remove me from the list.  They were instructed to think of my home as No. 12 Grimmald Place, London, England.  For those not in the know, this is the address of Sirius Black, of the Harry Potter novels - to Muggle eyes (humans with non-magical powers) the house did not exist - it was just an empty lot between two known addresses.

When distributing their notices, the lawn company was instructed to pretend my house did not exist. Pass me by completely.  I am too cheap, and too broke, to afford a lawn care service to do something I can get my husband to do for free:  take care of the weeds.  Not to mention every solicitor has ignored the signs posted on my door which read "NO SALES." 

Plus, during those really hot weeks we always get in Michigan, when my front lawn looks like a Triscuit, the weeds are the only greenery out there.  They're natural.  They're not overwhelming.  I pull them (yes, PULL them, by HAND) when I feel like it, and now and then they get the chemical treatment from hubby.  And frankly, if my  neighbors hate the sight of what they perceive to be my weed-infested lawn, then they can pay for the maintenance of it.

Overall, our neighborhood is a pretty quiet place.  On a clear day, we can hear the football team practice, the band playing during football season, other sporting events.  In the spring and through fall, we hear mowers regularly.  I hate hearing them at 9 at night, however.  I know people work some odd shifts, but the mowers I hear belong to those who are retired.  9 p.m. for lawn mowing? Come on, people.  You can do better than that.

Dogs bark, too.  There are two that live on the street behind us.  The dogs don't bark until someone mows their lawn, which in this neighborhood, is about every half hour.  One dog owner mowed her lawn in stops and starts for about three hours.  Mow ten minutes, stop for fifteen.  Mow ten minutes, stop for fifteen.  The dog barked incessantly.  I was ready to hop the fence, Superman style, and finish her lawn mowing duties for her.

It was only my inability to hop a chain link fence without catching my shorts that stopped me.

Others like to burn things.

I don't know who it is in the neighborhood, but it never fails that on the really nice days when one can open windows and enjoy a breeze, some nitwit has to start the burn barrel going.  Naturally, the wind blows my way and then my rooms start to smell like smoke.  I wish our area would enforce a burn time.  For instance, save the burning for the hours of 4 pm to 10 pm.  You  know, when certain retirees like to mow their lawns and make dogs bark.

Well, summer is still in full force here and we're all glad of it. Winters in Michigan are long, and soon enough we'll be in "pre-winter" (fall, to the non-Michiganders or Michiganians).  I'm contemplating donating suspenders to the elementary schools in my area for the start of the school year.  They might be needed more than pencils and crayons.  As for the offenders who show too much cleavage in any area? I may have to pay, on the sly, a few delinquents to carefully aim juicy spit wads. A few episodes of cleaning that off of your body might make a person think twice about what kind of skin they expose during the times they're in public.

Until then, I'm going to enjoy the smell of freshly cut grass and the green of my lawn weeds.

Boobs on a Platter

Some women keep hoping for a change in women's fashions, and it seems now that there are even some men who are hoping for the same.

I find this rather surprising, since most men I encounter, regardless of age, are always intrigued by encountering the fairer sex who give every appearance of serving their bosoms on a platter.

My parents, after returning from a wedding reception one evening, were overheard to remark, "I've never seen so many breasts in one place before!"

Of course, we know that breasts exist and are present on every male and female in the universe. What my parents were referring to was the baring of so many breasts -- not in their entirety, of course, but very close to it.

Lately, "Boobs on a Platter," as my better half refers to this phenomena with a half-dazed look, has been the topic among lots of people. Besides my parents and my husband, that is.

A co-worker of mine mentioned to me that she wished the skin-tight flimsy-fabric t-shirt motif would go out of style. Not only had she seen this look worn by some of the younger people in our place of employment who were there for internships, but was she was starting to see the same styles on some of the staff.

My brother, whose place of employment also hosts interns of various ages, remarked recently that lots of the young women at his workplace were also falling prey to the "Boobs on a Platter" look. He felt it was really distracting to try and have a conversation because he couldn't help but notice the woman's breasts simply because they were nearly pushed up to chin level, ensconced in a skin-tight shirt, and exposing lots of cleavage.

This marvel is not limited to women who are generally referred to as buxom, either. The smaller-breasted of the sisterhood are also seen about town sporting the wonders of the push-up bra, wearing skin-tight shirts, and exposing lots of skin in the chest area.

Now, if I've said before a hundred times, I guess I'll have to say it again a hundred times.

It doesn't matter to me if a woman is overweight, at the perfect weight, or underweight. Skin-tight clothing is never flattering.

It doesn't matter to me if you have small breasts or large breasts. Skin-tight clothing is not flattering. 

This idea of skin-tight t-shirts is definitely not attractive, especially because the women who wear them somehow feel compelled to add yet another skin-tight t-shirt over the skin-tight t-shirt they are already wearing. Do they feel, perhaps, that the layering of skin-tight shirts is a way to camouflage their breasts, which appear to be ever straining against the weak tide of flimsy fabric?

Our foresisters fought long and hard for equality in the workplace, which is still not ours to embrace in its entirety. Certainly women and men should not be judged by the clothing they wear. However, there should be standards -- especially in the workplace.

The "Boobs on a Platter" wonder is not being served just at places like Hooters or the local strip club. No, "Boobs on a Platter" seems to be a feature at nearly every business place that used to have, or should have, a standard dress code. That is, appropriate attire for both men and women. Shirts with buttons and necklines that don't expose tons of cleavage or bare shoulders. Skirts that can still be fashionably short, but don't require the wearer to avoid sitting down because the skirt then rides up higher than it ought. Shoes that are closed-toe, or at least not obviously sandals or the now ubiquitous flip-flop. Pants that don't expose any unwary co-worker to plumber's crack and the knowledge that his or her office mate wears thongs, or doesn't wear any undergarments at all.

My spouse shook his head in dazed dismay as he pontificated on how unprofessionally many of the younger women dressed lately. He thought that, some day, they'd have to start wearing clothing that would help them be taken seriously.

"Honey," I said, "'some day' the people you tell me about are going to be in charge of the work place, and so that standard of dress may become the norm."  That pretty much stopped him in his tracks.

I'm not saying that women shouldn't dress attractively, or that all women's clothing should be unflattering to each figure.  What I'm saying is, let's grow up a little bit, ladies.  There's a time and place for you to display your cleavage and the tramp stamp *ahem* sorry--the tattoo you have across your lower back.  Your place of employment is not the place for baring your skin and all of its art forms, unless you work for Hooters or the local strip club, or perhaps a tattoo parlor where you want to advertise the art form you sell. 

And it's not fair to get all uprighteously peeved when a man refuses to take you seriously when he can observe you bending over and be able to lob a rolled up wad of 8 1/2 x 11 paper into the gap of your butt cleavage as well as the gap of your breast cleavage and still have room to spare for more.  When your clothes are so tight that others can see the outline of your undergarments, or the lack thereof, your clothes are . . . too tight. 

So loosen up a little and buy something that is a little more figure-flattering and a little more professional for your job.  If you refuse to buy anything over a size ten because you've always been a size ten, you need to remember that the number on the tag is just a number and it's time to get over yourself.

Men can be just as ridiculous in their clothing choices, but that's for another day.

Meantime, would you like some barbecue sauce to go with that breast meat?

Laundry, Laundry, Everywhere

More March 2009 musings:  

I don't know what it is anymore, but it seems like all I ever do is laundry.  Everyone else I talk to is always doing laundry, too.

Back in the day when I had an infant and then a toddler, I expected there would be laundry on a regular -- daily -- basis.  Little kids urp up, they have leaky diaper accidents, their bedding needs changing frequently.  I did hope that as the kids grew older, the need to do laundry constantly would diminish.

When I was a kid at home, the laundry was done about two to three times a week -- for just clothing.  But there were seven people in the house, and that's just how it was.  Mom had other things to do besides do wash every day, and if your clothes didn't hit the hamper or the sorted piles in front of the washer on laundry day, well you were just S.O.L. 

That stands for "So Out of Luck," since this is considered a family web site.

On the non-clothing washing days, mom did sheets and towels. 

I just don't know what the problem is, though, that with only four people in my house, it seems like my washer runs more than it should.  Everyone else I talk to says the same thing.  We don't have a houseful, they say, so what's the deal?

The light bulb flickered briefly though, in commiserating with a co-worker.  She said to me, "Well, when we were kids, we wore our things more than once before they were tossed in the washer.  At least, it was that way with our jeans. And bath towels were used a couple of times before laundering, because if you were fresh out of the tub, you were considered clean, right? So why would you need a new towel from the closet for the next time?"

As soon as she said that, I realized why my washer was working overtime.  What my co-worker said rang true, because it was the same at my house. 

When I was a kid, and this may be true for other readers as well, you wore the same pair of jeans or pants or what-not to school more than one day.  You might flop them over a chair for a day or so later, because heaven knows you didn't want anyone to think you wore the same thing two days in a row.  But wear them again indeed? You sure did. 

Shirts didn't get that kind of repeat.  We tend to get those dirtier what with ketchup spills and just plain old sweat.  But sweaters, if you had a shirt on underneath them, were usually good for another wear or two before they needed washing.

Think about it, though.  If you "recycled" your pants and wore them more than one time per week, before washing, would the amount of laundry you do decrease?

In today's times though, if something is worn once, it's dropped in the wash.  Even if the garment is worn for a couple of hours, it hits the clothes hamper immediately.  In some cases, if something is just tried on -- if you have preteens and teens in the house -- and then dropped on the floor for consideration later in the week, even if that garment is never worn, it hits the laundry.  It was on the floor, so it must be dirty, right?

I have gone on strike regarding laundry from time to time, refusing to do wash more than two days a week.  It does pile up, and since the washer and dryer share the half-bath in our house, huge piles of laundry can make navigating your way safely to the toilet a little bit treacherous at times. 

One week, I washed and folded clothes for the requisite four days of laundry-doing and decided to keep everything in the laundry basket.  The pile grew higher and higher, and still I didn't move the stacks of clothing to the kids' rooms to be put away. 

Oddly enough, no one ran out of clothing.  The kids found things to wear that hadn't seen the light of day for so long I'd forgotten they had them.  No doubt, they forgot they had those items, too.  Except for running out of socks, my spouse didn't seem to notice I was holding his white t-shirts hostage along with a few other things. 

It must be that laundry is done far too frequently at my house because we have too many clothes.  I wonder, if we had fewer things to wear, if we'd probably do laundry less often.

I know that sounds very contradictory, but I have no other explanation. 

I wonder, if people wore some garments more than once a week, if the amount of laundry done would decrease, overall.

I know some of you out there are cringing.  I can see it from here, on the other side of the computer screen.  Ewwww, you're thinking.  That's so gross.  Do you have any idea how many germs get on a person in one day?

Yes, I do.  I'm not suggesting we start re-wearing things that are obviously dirty or smelly from an honest day's work.  I'm thinking more along the lines of the "you only wore this to church and had it on for two hours, so go hang it back up" kind of things.  And if that pair of slacks you wore to your college class or to work aren't coffee-spattered and full of donut drippings, why not set them aside for later in the week?

Think of it as an energy-saving measure.  Less laundry, less detergent, less electricity and water use.

Still not sold?

Just come on over to my house, then, and you can do as much laundry as your heart desires. 

In the mean time, I'm thinking it's time someone else gets worked into the laundry rotation.  Having more than two people in the house know how to run the washer and dryer is certainly one way to lighten the loads, and there's no better time than the present to get that underway.