Seriously? You're writing about this stuff?

Grumpy Cat

Usually when people say, "Seriously?" they're being a little sarcastic.

As in, "I can't believe s/he really said that."

Or, the person is surprised, shocked, taken aback, etc. and thinking, "OMG, I never KNEW that!"

Whether you are feeling sarcastic or stunned, welcome to "Seriously?"

I say that about a lot of things, lately.

Most recently, I say "Seriously?" about senior pictures.  I have a senior in high school this year.

School pictures totally suck, but senior pictures have those beat ten times over.

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If you're having these taken professionally, be prepared to pay through the nose. It's totally an investment, getting your child's senior photos done.

Prices in my area range from (the least expensive, smallest photo package) about $500 to (the most expensive) $1800.

Now, I realize that prices have gone up since I was in school back in the dinosaur age. However, senior photos shouldn't cost as much as my first used car and I shouldn't have to take out a personal loan in order to have my child's face memorialized on photo paper. Or canvas. Or tin. Or whatever other trendy thing is in for pictures to be printed upon.

I had considered staging a small-scale rebellion and encouraging everyone, via social media, to take their seniors to a studio such as Sears or JC Penney or WalMart for senior photos, but didn't think it would gain much ground.  I kind of wish it could happen though, but there are just too many parents who are willing to indulge their princesses (and princes - the photo packages/options for the boys are just as nauseating as the girls) and are willing to pay those prices.

Some people are handy with digital cameras and take beautiful photos. They don't require the services of a professional photographer. I am not one of those lucky people. If digital cameras had actual film, I would be the one exposing it.  Or taking the photo with my finger over the lens.

Adhttp://picturebrand.blogspot.com/2011/09/95-of
-worst-senior-portraits-of-all.htmld caption

I am aghast at the cost of senior photos.  They're beautiful pictures, quality work. But I don't really think my child needs a photo shoot like she's a runway model or something. What the hell, anyway?  Apparently, it is now a terrible thing to just have one pose for senior portraits, and one outfit and one hairstyle for said photo. One must now have a multitude of clothing changes, different scenes - live and local as well as studio locations, and include such props as golf clubs, french horns, horses, wiener dogs, and kayaks.

We are lucky enough to know someone who is willing to do us a huge favor by applying their professional skills to this task of senior photos. I'll be forever indebted to this kind person for easing the pain of the costly photo shoot.

Now - I'm trying to convince my daughter to wrangle the family cat for her portraits. Or maybe the lawn mower, or that pile of dirty laundry . . .

Seriously.

More Monday Miscellaney



lolcats - icanhascheezburger.com

It's Monday, and I've got "It's Friday, I'm in Love," on the brain.  I guess this means it's time for more Monday Miscellaney.  Lucky you!

• There's nothing like your pre-teen telling you the computer keyboard is frozen to start your day off right.  After a change of batteries, some messing around with clicking this button or that, running the virus scan and restarting the computer, the keyboard works again. Whew. Double whew. I'd be lost without the home computer.
• I'm thinking Halloween is my favorite holiday, hands-down.  I mentioned to a relative last night that "We're getting ready for Halloween, here," and got the response, "WHAT? It's only October 3!"  That gave me pause for all of five seconds.  I'll blame it on having kids, though I suspect that even without the kids, I'd have gotten out the pumpkins and skeletons anyhow.  At least I waited until October 2nd to do it.  I like the costumes, the free candy (though, at my age, the candy isn't free anymore), and the decorations.  It's rather low-pressure, unlike Christmas.
• It's weird to start seeing people you know in the obituary column who are your age.  This isn't a new phenomenon by any means, but it always takes one by surprise. 
• Why is it that during 40-degree weather, I still see people wearing flip flops? Seriously? I can't wait until snowfall.  Wonder how many will be losing toes to frostbite.
 



totalfilm.com

"MY TOES! MY TOES! Why didn't

I wear my fur-lined boots?"

• I feel privileged to help serve Mass at our local parish.  My family is on the schedule once a month.  For the last 6 weeks, however, we've not only served on our scheduled date and time, but also been pinch-hitting for others who don't bother to show up, let alone arrange for a substitute.  My husband has lately taken to asking me, "Are you scheduled to do anything, this time?" My response is usually, "No," which he quickly follows up with, "Yeah, until you get there."  Then he stifles snickers of "I told you so," when someone taps my shoulder and says, "Can you fill in, today?"  I really don't mind - except that I'm starting to feel resentful toward those who are finding it impossible to fulfill their commitment.  To them, I'd like to say, "You signed on for this.  It is one hour, one weekend, per month.  If you can't fulfill the duty, then ask to be taken off the schedule, and until that happens, find someone to fill in for you.  You aren't the only person who might like to sit with their family now and then during a church service.  It is extremely rude and inconsiderate of you to skip out when you know you're scheduled, and then when you do show up, it's within two minutes of start time - leaving everyone to wonder if you'll even be here.  You can do better than that!"
 



thegreenhead.com

peanut butter & jelly spreader

• Wow, but I'm tired of fundraisers.  Every year, our school does the same fundraiser. In my opinion, the catalog is full of stuff that could be purchased elsewhere, and for less. For example, those handy suction-cup containers you can stick in the shower - the catalog had them for $2.00 more than the local Meijer.  The chocolates look mouth wateringly delicious until you get them.  Then, you discover they're all about the size of a fifty-cent piece and 2/3 of the box is raised cardboard with the chocolates artfully spread on top of that to make the container look like it's brimming with sweetness.  And I really need to spend $7.50 on a "peanut butter & jelly spreader."  I'm thinking most of this stuff probably comes from the Lillian Vernon catalog to begin with.
• Excuses, excuses. I do feel badly, sometimes, when kids tell me they've lost an important piece of homework, or that they couldn't do the homework because they were being shuffled here and there, often at the parent's whim and will, and no one had time to sit down and help with the work.  Other times, it's generally a case of the kid being extremely disorganized and sitting in front of the computer or video games instead of prioritizing what really  needs to be done.
 



sweetcatastrophecakes.blogspot.com

• At what grade, in school, do you remember the teacher having to tell the class, "In order to get a birthday treat, you need to be seated at your desk and not swarming Alfred.  I expect to hear a 'thank you' to Alfred when he brings your treat to you."  Now, I'm not so old as to believe that my elementary school days are filled with rosy-cheeked, well-behaved children.  I'm sure we were little monsters at times - in fact, I know we were.  But - I seriously don't recall my teachers ever telling us to be seated at birthday treat time. I don't think most of us dared to swarm the birthday kid, hoping to pick over each decorated cupcake in hopes of getting the one with the most frosting.  Really, kids?  You're ten and eleven years old now. What happened to manners?
 



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• Of course, what can I expect when I see what's left in the staff room of the rolls from a meeting.  Someone took out the center part of the roll and left the rest in the box.  My reaction was laughing disbelief: This is something we'd do to each other, at home, I thought - recalling the days when my brothers would say, as one of us eyed that last piece of pie or cake, "That's mine - I spit on it."
• That lipstick you were so happy to find that cost $1.99?  It's going to go on your lips like $1.99, too.  Ever try to color your lips with crayon? Not even a Crayola, but one of those generic off-brand crayons? That's what $1.99 lipstick is like. Don't waste your money.  On the other hand, if the lipstick is $1.99 because it's been marked down from $12.00 or something, stock up.
• While I'm on the subject of lipstick, why is it when I look at the wide array of colors available I end up purchasing something nearly the same shade as what I have at home? I guess I'm just meant to wear one shade of lipstick.
• Where art thou, 2 yards of black lace? I've searched high and low for this lace now that I want it for a Halloween costume, and do you think I can find it?  Just my luck, I'll find it November 1st.

School pictures suck

If today were Friday, I'd call this post The Friday Fumbles.

As it stands, it's only Thursday - and Thursday morning, at that.

My mind is empty of any rational thought.

Instead, there are a jillion things roaming around my brain, colliding and trying to make some sort of sense.  I'm sure all of us have days like that, and it's not just me.

All I can think of right now are school pictures.  That's a bad thing.

School pictures have got to be one of the worst forms of torture known to mankind.  Our school photos have been sent home within the last day or two, and I must say, they are truly horrific.  Being employed at a school, I am required to have a photo identification card.



chicagodancesingles.com

I dutifully wait in line for my turn at the camera.  Gone are the days when you'd sit on the stool with your head turned one way, torso another, and from the waist down pointing yet another direction.  Now, there are paper feet to stand on - remniscent of those old "Learn to dance" cut-out feet.

And, the head&shoulders pose is now passe. Along with the new, cut-out feet, we are subjected to the 3/4 body shot. From about waist up, hands folded demurely, this pose shows every bulge and clothing wrinkle you possess.



Grandpa Simpson

No one can possibly be more adept at making your 4th grader look stoned, the most attractive person look like they got hit by a Mack truck, the least attractive person look even more unattractive, find the wimpiest poses, the most age-inappropriate poses - capturing into infinity the way we weren't back in "dickety-two" (as Grandpa Simpson would say).

Here are some yearbook photo gems to help us tip our hats to the School Photographer.

 Let no child be left behind from the pain of school photos.

bodybuilding.com
Looks like something from
the set of "Saved by the Bell."

huffingtonpost.com
Mug shot, mayhap? Well, at
least he looks happy.

ebaumsworld.com
Mirror, Mirror, in my hand
This is the weirdest pose in the land.

current.com
No, wait. THIS is the weirdest
pose in the land.

huffingtonpost.com
Reminds me of "Meathead" from All in the Family.

tvguide.com
Meathead, All in the Family

badyearbookphotos.com
Don't mess with her - not only can she bake that
cherry pie, Billy Boy, she can whup your ass, too.



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Yep. Another photo of some innocent
girl looking stoned out of her mind.

huffingtonpst.com
What the hell?

awfulyearbook.com
The web site title says it all.

huffingtonpost.com
I loved the 1980s, and would have (possibly) killed
to have hair that looked like this every day.

huffingtonpost.com
Huffington Post dubbed this photo "Eat my Shorts." Seems
appropriate.  I feel kind of bad for the guy, though, being immortalized
this way because nobody insisted he go to picture re-take day.
Oh. Maybe this IS the retake.

 

badyearbookphotos.com
He doesn't just *look* stoned, he probably is.

badyearbookphotos.com
I like a guy who knows how to dress up.
I'm betting it was the photographer who
was stoned during this take, though.



Cell Phone Harmony: A-one...a-two...a-three...

picturesof.net

It's that time of year when parents of children of all ages are invited to hear the accumulation of a years' worth of work.

That is, if your child is involved in some sort of music program.

Every spring, my kids were tortured pleased to participate in a spring music program in elementary school.  This consisted of kids taking the stage according to grade level and singing such hits as, "My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean."  Parents waited patiently and applauded enthusiastically at the end of each number, and no one could stifle grins once the kindergarteners took the stage.



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Once the kids hit middle school, the music program gets a little more serious. The admiration toward the elementary music director over how she can tease music out of kids drawn in squiggle-vision turns to real awe once you hear the middle school choir.

We recently attended the spring concert for my daughter, Big Sister, and what a treat that was.  A choir for each of three grades, varying numbers of participants, and excellent talent and skill across the board.

The only discordant notes to be heard were those of a cell phone.

Heavy sigh.

I've said it a million times, but I suppose I must say it again - though if you're a semi-regular reader, I know I'm just preaching to the choir (no joke intended, as this is about something that occurred during a choir concert):



electricalres.com

TURN OFF THE CELL PHONE.

Please.  For the listening pleasure of the rest of the crowd, turn off the cell phone.  Let me repeat that once more:

Turn off the cell phone.

The discordant jangle of the cell phone occurred a few times over the course of the evening.  To listen to the songs of three grades took just about one hour.  60 minutes of an audience's time to hear their child sing, and a few people couldn't live without their cell phones.

I believe my sister summed it up best, when she experienced this at her son, Bud's, band concert this spring:

"Mom and dad, am I so unimportant that I can't have fifteen minutes of your undivided time and attention so I can share with you some of the things I've learned this year?"

Yes, Virginia, you are unimportant.

You are SO unimportant that mommy and daddy cannot possibly distance themselves from their electronic gadgets more than two seconds in order to give you time and attention.  Don't worry, honey.  You can always text them from your seat onstage and let them know you're there.

 One rather incongruous thing happened at Bud's concert, though.  One of the students had a cell phone announce its presence just before it was time to play.



christianschooljournal.com

I wonder how many parents thought, huffily, "WHAT does a SEVENTH GRADER need with a CELL PHONE.  It's the SPRING CONCERT for PETE'S SAKE."

Well.  Whatever his reasons, he no doubt learned it from the adults in his life.

Skytel cellular phone commercial, youtube.com.

Remember this gem?

Parents Mess Up, Too

Lenore strikes again, with this post about two elementary-aged boys who walked home from school.    The children's father had called the school to say he'd be late in picking up his children.

Apparently this is newsworthy because the school allowed the children to walk home, unattended by any responsible adult, a full two miles, and didn't relay the message to the children that dad, indeed, would be coming. He'd just be late.

cdn.sheknows.com

It took three hours to find the children.

They were en route home, and decided to play in a nearby park.

They were unharmed.

Except this made the news, because somebody dropped the ball.

Yes, the children were safe.  Yes, dad was very, very concerned.  Yes, someone should have let those children know to wait at school, because dad was on his way.

But it didn't happen.

And this is newsworthy because the SCHOOL MESSED UP.

Ok.  I get it.

But what about when the parents mess up?

What about the parents who:

Art of the Streets
Pinterest.com

• Drop their child off well after the school start time? It's apparent that for some families, 8:30 a.m. is just a "suggested" time. Sure, everybody goofs now and then and clocks are set for the wrong time, someone oversleeps, or you forget it isn't spring break yet and discover your child should really be in school *ahem. Oh wait. That was me.  Anyway. . .  but many days, children trickle in for an hour after the start time.  But that's ok, it's just school, right?
• Don't sign their child in, when they're late for school.  Parents are *supposed* to park the car, walk the child into the building (using the buzzer if needed), sign the child in at the office and fill out the lines that say, "Child's name," "parent's name," "reason for absence/tardy/etc." and people usually write things like "doctor appointment" or "sick" or, for the few who play by the rules, "missed the bus."  Very rarely happens.  Instead, the child is dropped off at the door.  Many of them are too short to reach the buzzer and aren't strong enough to open that heavy door, which is kept locked for security reasons.  Sometimes, a child stands outside the door for ten minutes before anyone realizes s/he is there.  That's all right though, it's only school.  SOMEBODY will see that a child is out there and let him/her in, right?
• Drop the child at school before there is a responsible adult on hand.  At our school, children are not supposed to arrive before 8:10 a.m.  Many days, they arrive anywhere from 7:30 onward.  Never mind that there is no responsible adult on hand, it's SCHOOL - so it MUST be ok. 

"Late for School"
Illustration by George Ulrich
georgeulrich.com

There's a double standard when it comes to what is considered acceptable when it's on the parent to do the right thing vs. when it's the school who is supposed to do the right thing. People tend to view "School" as this benign entity that will always be available to watch over the child and see to it no harm comes, as in, "It's a school playground and even though it's too early for him to be here, I'm still dropping him off."  As in, "It's school, the parking lot is full, so I know junior can get into the building on his own."  As in, "It's school. It's ok if my child is perpetually late. It's not as if what they do there is important."

Here's the double standard, in case you missed it: It's never ok if the school messes up, but it's always ok if the parent messes up.

What would happen if every parent who broke the school rules was put on the nightly news?  

I wonder how many would make sure their child got into the building before driving off.  

I wonder how many would stop dropping their child off before an adult is available to supervise.  

I wonder how many would actually sign the child in, as they are supposed to, instead of just driving away and assuming that the child entered the building.

I wonder how many would remember to call and excuse the child from school for an illness.

I get it - the dad in this article couldn't find his children where he was told they would be.  Somebody didn't do their job, and there was some very real panic.  "School" messed up.  

PARENTS mess up, too - and that's not ok, either.