Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts

Monday, July 13, 2015

Cell Phone Harmony: A-one...a-two...a-three...


picturesof.net

It's that time of year when parents of children of all ages are invited to hear the accumulation of a years' worth of work.

That is, if your child is involved in some sort of music program.

Every spring, my kids were tortured pleased to participate in a spring music program in elementary school.  This consisted of kids taking the stage according to grade level and singing such hits as, "My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean."  Parents waited patiently and applauded enthusiastically at the end of each number, and no one could stifle grins once the kindergarteners took the stage.


fccdundee.com

Once the kids hit middle school, the music program gets a little more serious. The admiration toward the elementary music director over how she can tease music out of kids drawn in squiggle-vision turns to real awe once you hear the middle school choir.

We recently attended the spring concert for my daughter, Big Sister, and what a treat that was.  A choir for each of three grades, varying numbers of participants, and excellent talent and skill across the board.

The only discordant notes to be heard were those of a cell phone.

Heavy sigh.

I've said it a million times, but I suppose I must say it again - though if you're a semi-regular reader, I know I'm just preaching to the choir (no joke intended, as this is about something that occurred during a choir concert):


electricalres.com

TURN OFF THE CELL PHONE.

Please.  For the listening pleasure of the rest of the crowd, turn off the cell phone.  Let me repeat that once more:

Turn off the cell phone.

The discordant jangle of the cell phone occurred a few times over the course of the evening.  To listen to the songs of three grades took just about one hour.  60 minutes of an audience's time to hear their child sing, and a few people couldn't live without their cell phones.

I believe my sister summed it up best, when she experienced this at her son, Bud's, band concert this spring:

"Mom and dad, am I so unimportant that I can't have fifteen minutes of your undivided time and attention so I can share with you some of the things I've learned this year?"

Yes, Virginia, you are unimportant.

You are SO unimportant that mommy and daddy cannot possibly distance themselves from their electronic gadgets more than two seconds in order to give you time and attention.  Don't worry, honey.  You can always text them from your seat onstage and let them know you're there.

 One rather incongruous thing happened at Bud's concert, though.  One of the students had a cell phone announce its presence just before it was time to play.


christianschooljournal.com

I wonder how many parents thought, huffily, "WHAT does a SEVENTH GRADER need with a CELL PHONE.  It's the SPRING CONCERT for PETE'S SAKE."

Well.  Whatever his reasons, he no doubt learned it from the adults in his life.



Skytel cellular phone commercial, youtube.com.

Remember this gem?


Parents Mess Up, Too

Lenore strikes again, with this post about two elementary-aged boys who walked home from school.    The children's father had called the school to say he'd be late in picking up his children.

Apparently this is newsworthy because the school allowed the children to walk home, unattended by any responsible adult, a full two miles, and didn't relay the message to the children that dad, indeed, would be coming. He'd just be late.

cdn.sheknows.com
It took three hours to find the children.

They were en route home, and decided to play in a nearby park.

They were unharmed.

Except this made the news, because somebody dropped the ball.

Yes, the children were safe.  Yes, dad was very, very concerned.  Yes, someone should have let those children know to wait at school, because dad was on his way.

But it didn't happen.

And this is newsworthy because the SCHOOL MESSED UP.

Ok.  I get it.

But what about when the parents mess up?

What about the parents who:

Art of the Streets
Pinterest.com
  • Drop their child off well after the school start time? It's apparent that for some families, 8:30 a.m. is just a "suggested" time. Sure, everybody goofs now and then and clocks are set for the wrong time, someone oversleeps, or you forget it isn't spring break yet and discover your child should really be in school *ahem. Oh wait. That was me.  Anyway. . .  but many days, children trickle in for an hour after the start time.  But that's ok, it's just school, right?
  • Don't sign their child in, when they're late for school.  Parents are *supposed* to park the car, walk the child into the building (using the buzzer if needed), sign the child in at the office and fill out the lines that say, "Child's name," "parent's name," "reason for absence/tardy/etc." and people usually write things like "doctor appointment" or "sick" or, for the few who play by the rules, "missed the bus."  Very rarely happens.  Instead, the child is dropped off at the door.  Many of them are too short to reach the buzzer and aren't strong enough to open that heavy door, which is kept locked for security reasons.  Sometimes, a child stands outside the door for ten minutes before anyone realizes s/he is there.  That's all right though, it's only school.  SOMEBODY will see that a child is out there and let him/her in, right?
  • Drop the child at school before there is a responsible adult on hand.  At our school, children are not supposed to arrive before 8:10 a.m.  Many days, they arrive anywhere from 7:30 onward.  Never mind that there is no responsible adult on hand, it's SCHOOL - so it MUST be ok. 
"Late for School"
Illustration by George Ulrich
georgeulrich.com
There's a double standard when it comes to what is considered acceptable when it's on the parent to do the right thing vs. when it's the school who is supposed to do the right thing. People tend to view "School" as this benign entity that will always be available to watch over the child and see to it no harm comes, as in, "It's a school playground and even though it's too early for him to be here, I'm still dropping him off."  As in, "It's school, the parking lot is full, so I know junior can get into the building on his own."  As in, "It's school. It's ok if my child is perpetually late. It's not as if what they do there is important."

Here's the double standard, in case you missed it: It's never ok if the school messes up, but it's always ok if the parent messes up.

What would happen if every parent who broke the school rules was put on the nightly news?  

I wonder how many would make sure their child got into the building before driving off.  

I wonder how many would stop dropping their child off before an adult is available to supervise.  

I wonder how many would actually sign the child in, as they are supposed to, instead of just driving away and assuming that the child entered the building.

I wonder how many would remember to call and excuse the child from school for an illness.
I get it - the dad in this article couldn't find his children where he was told they would be.  Somebody didn't do their job, and there was some very real panic.  "School" messed up.  

PARENTS mess up, too - and that's not ok, either.



  





















Summer Haze: 2010

Kids are spoiled these days.

I know, I've become my mother - she said the same thing about my generation.  Likely, every parent has said this about their child since the beginning of time.  Even Adam and Eve must have said of Cain and Abel, "Oh quit fighting! When I was your age - and I was never your age - I didn't have anybody to play with!"

I'm betting the temperature in the Garden of Eden was at a nicely controlled 80-degrees Fahrenheit, though, warm enough to grow things during the day, and dipping down to a nice 72-degree Fahrenheit at night, for sleeping.  I suppose the temperature got too warm one day though, and after demanding air conditioning, Adam and Eve were banned from the Garden.

Most kids where I live have air conditioning.  They can't imagine a life without the air conditioning running from the first hot day of summer until the first cool blast of fall.  Even the schools have air conditioning now.  Remember in the dark ages, when schools had air conditioning only in the office, if they had it at all?  In elementary school, we'd spend time on hot days making accordian-pleat fans out of lined paper.  We'd flip and fold and flip and fold, no doubt driving our teachers and fellow classmates to distraction in our efforts to dispel the heat.  All the same, we couldn't wait to get outside in that heat for after-lunch recess.

My kids can't imagine a life without air conditioning. I'll admit I'm spoiled, too, and don't want to imagine a life without it. 

As a kid, though, air conditioning was something you encountered at the stores, or rich people's houses.  Nobody had central air in their home.  A few people might have a window-unit air conditioner, but most of us depended on open windows, screen doors, and box fans. 

Smart people would follow the sun around the house (no, not literally!) and close curtains or pull shades to keep out the sun, thus cooling that part of the house just a little bit.  As the sun moved, the curtains would be opened. 

In early morning, windows would be thrown open to let in the cooler morning air.  By mid-morning, shades and curtains would be pulled, fans would be running.  Anything that required an appliance to run would be done early in the morning, so as to avoid heating up the house.  About the only exception was if it was a birthday - then the oven would be on to bake the cake. 

In the evening, as the sun lowered, windows would open again to let in cooler air.  Your box fan would be placed in the window, and if the air was cool enough, you pointed it inward so it would pull in cool air from outside and cool off the room.  If it was hot in your room, you'd point the fan outward, to pull the hot air outside.  If it was raining though, you had to take the fan out of the window or risk electrocution. 

Anyone from the generation pictured on the right remembers it being hot enough to roll down your stockings.  Some of you might remember grandmas who wore nothing but dresses, ever, even after it became fashionable for women to wear slacks and shorts.  My grandma was one such woman.  I doubt she'd have ever rolled down her stockings, either, even if it was 95 degrees with a 100-degree Fahrenheit heat index. 

I'm sure, though, during a private moment in the course of the day, the ladies of the generation pictured at the right may have paused for tea. They'd need a break after washing clothes with the wringer-washer, and hanging them on the line.  Baking bread and putting on a meal without the help of boxed foods or frozen foods was a real chore - or labor of love!  Scrubbing floors and ironing were jobs better left for a cool day, but who knew when that would happen?  Quick - the kids are outside and busy. Maybe there are five minutes just for me!  They'd have sat with their dresses slightly above the knee, stockings rolled down, with the rotating fan placed strategically so their legs could be cooled. 


It's no wonder many women of a certain era  had "the vapors" and had to rest during the day.  Can you imagine wearing as much fabric as the woman on the right, on a 90 degree day?  Oh, and don't forget the corset, either, and the multiple petticoats.  And don't you dare show your ankles.


Of course, today's women can dress much more casually for hot weather, like our bathing beauties in the left-hand photo.





Regardless, my kids have a hard time imagining a home without air conditioning.  They barely remember our first house, which had a window unit for the summer.   That was placed in the master bedroom, and fans were placed strategically in the hallway to blow the cooler air throughout the rest of the house.  I followed the sun, closing curtains and creating a cave-like effect indoors.  A dehumidifier completed the summer ensemble, and gradually our home would be a few degrees cooler than the hot outdoors.  Ceiling fans helped circulate the still air.  Still, doors would swell, tempers would be short, and sleep would be but a fleeting dream during the really hot days.

Anyone old enough to remember riding in the back seat of one of these, pictured at left, as a kid?  Remember those vinyl seats?  Most cars "back in the day" didn't have air conditioning, either.  When the car was locked, we left the windows rolled down a crack to let air in, but when it was time to leave the parking lot, there was no fast way to cool down the car except to roll the windows down all the way.  This didn't do much for those wonderful vinyl seats which were heated to just the right temperature to scorch bare legs.

There was also no such thing as "keyless entry," or automatic locking and unlocking of doors, or automatic popping open of a trunk, either.  Nor could you start the car from a distance - you actually  had to be sitting in the seat, turning the key in the ignition, and pushing down on the gas.  What a concept.

My husband and I always laugh about car trips when we were kids, in the days before air conditioning.  If there were more than two in the back seat, it was an extra sticky trip because not only did you stick to the vinyl seat, but you stuck to each other.  Yes, cars were roomier "back then" - ok, 1970s - but you know how kids are:  "SHE'S ON MY SIDE!"  we'd whine, if a sibling crossed that invisible line we drew down the seat in order to keep from touching each other.

We could unroll our windows a little bit, with permission, but most car windows in the back seat didn't open more than half-way, anyway.  Up front, though, the windows had these little triangular windows that could be tilted outward to let in air.  If you look closely at the car on the left, you can see the triangular-shaped window (still closed).  As the car sped along at 55 mph, all you could hear was this "fffffffff   ffffffffff" sound of wind through the gap of that triangular window.  Then, my husband and I laugh, it wasn't cool enough, so the window would be unrolled just a crack and along with "fffffff" we'd hear "FFFFFFFF    WHoooooooshUFFFffffffffff WHOOOOOOshUFFFFffffff."  Inevitably, dad would turn on AM radio to hear a game, and because AM radio rarely comes in clear, there would be lots of static to go along with the "ffffFFFFFFfffff" of the windows.   

Regardless, car trips in the summer were hot.  But, not ever having had air conditioning, we didn't know any different.  We didn't know any different when it came to sleeping in hot rooms with box fans in the window, either.

One day though, air conditioning became more affordable (I'm guessing) and pretty soon everybody had it.  We didn't need to escape to shopping malls or to the beach for relief from the heat.  Cars got air conditioning as just a normal part of a basic package deal, no longer one of the expensive options. 



About the only time we experience any great degree of discomfort is if the power goes out, and we can't use the air conditioning.  Should that happen this summer, I hope you remember how to make your pleated fans out of paper - it's a life skill you might have to teach your kids.

What would parents like for Christmas?

As promised, here is the 'parent rebuttal' to the "What would Teachers Like for Christmas" post. 


Dear Teacher,

Thank you for the gift of your knowledge and expertise, which you share daily with my child.  I'm really thankful that there's a school I can send my child to where people really care about him/her, and will also teach him the finer points of long-division and how to reduce fractions.  If I had to home school, I think I'd be in big trouble.

Not to mention, much as I love my child, there are days when he/she irritates the crap out of me, so I can only imagine how it is for you, dealing with 30 or more in a classroom at any given time.

It's that time of year again, when we parents start to sweat the stuff like, "What should we give Billy's teacher so it doesn't look like we're trying to buy him a good grade or one less trip to detention?" We've all been taught it's better to give than to receive, but there are a few things I wouldn't mind receiving, if you're feeling in the mood.  Here's the start of my list:


1) Can we be done with assessment tests, already?  Seems like we just got done with the MEAP, and now there's another one on board.  My poor kid is stressed out, unable to sleep, because there's yet another test.  I know it has to be done, but it's awfully frustrating at this end, too.

2)  Please, can we be partners in the educating of my child?  I know you've got a lot on your plate, because I've been to open house and to conferences.  I also read the paper and see the new guidelines the state has put down for the education of our kids.  The day is short, and the list of requirements is long.  But we're in elementary school. Can we take a ten-minute recess, please? I'm willing to help my child with homework, but does s/he really need 30 problems of the same type just to show proficiency? Wouldn't five or ten be sufficient?  And I know all those subjects are important or they wouldn't be in the curriculum, but do you really think my child has no other obligation in life but to do two hours of geometry every evening, as well as a 2-page essay about what started World War II (and that's just answering the first question in the history book)?  And let's not forget science and English homework.

Oh, and if my child has homework because s/he is screwing around when s/he should be working, please let me know that before parent conferences so we can fix that problem.  That's why I give you my contact info. for home and at work. And I'm serious, when I say contact me at ANY time. Except when normal people sleep.

I'll vow to limit my child's extra-curriculars if you vow to cut back on the ridiculous amount of homework.  


And to directly contradict that statement, please understand that there may be times when my kid's extra-curricular schedule conflicts with the school day - especially if there's a special tournament, or something like that.  

We do our best to schedule appointments after-school hours, but sometimes that doctor or dental appointment can't happen at any other time.

And on that note - 


3) Don't get irritated with me when I pull my child from school for a family vacation.  I don't work for a school district, and my employer allows me 2 weeks of vacation per year.  I can't always get the prime time off - which ideally would be that block of time during winter and spring, which typically coincides with Christmas and Easter.  There are other people at my workplace, and they all want that time, too.   I know the kids will miss school and the accompanying work - and some of it just isn't possible to make up.  But, that's why I let you know well ahead of time, whenever possible, so we can help Junior keep up with at least the basic classwork during the time he's gone.  And even though we're "on vacation," we'll see to it that Junior gets that work done, and makes up anything he missed upon his return.  


Pathwayacademy.net
"Other than your child's backpack and clothing,
do not label school supplies with your child's
name.  Supplies will be community supplies
for all to use." 
4) School supplies.  The list gets longer every year.  If the school requires a specially sized 5 1/2" x 7 1/2" notebook with an orange cover, then they can damn well provide it because I checked every office supply store and every Walmart/Target/Meijer in a five-county area and still couldn't find that damned thing. Of course, I learned on the fourth day of school that Billy's mom had bought out the entire supply. Thanks a bunch, Billy's mom.

I'll do my best to fulfill the school supply list for my kid, but really, is it a deal breaker if I buy her the box of 24-crayons instead of the box of 12? Seriously? 


And believe it or not, I do send pencils with that kid.  Where they go, I do not know. There's probably a vortex where all missing pencils go, kind of like the missing socks on laundry day.

Oh. And if I can, I will purchase extra supplies and donate them to you. I know there are some students who just don't have the means to get a notebook or other basics.  But, don't ask me to send all 26 glue sticks to school with Jimmy so you can stock your classroom.  If I'm purchasing 26 glue sticks for Jimmy, and ten other parents are purchasing 26 glue sticks for their Jimmys, you can bet you'll have glue sticks to last the next couple of years, and my Jimmy's glue sticks will go to school with him on an as-needed basis. That goes for lined notebook paper, spiral notebooks, scissors, rulers, pencils, hi-lighters, and ink pens, too.  If you need help stocking the classroom, say so - don't hijack me with a list of items that is purportedly for the use of just my own kid, but is really for everyone else.


murphydesigns.bizland.com
5) I really do try to clothe my child in decent apparel, and to set an example. Would you please maintain some professional standard of dress?  I know fashions change, and I certainly wouldn't expect you to dress like you're from the Victorian era, but I really don't think micro-mini skirts are appropriate wear, nor are those really scoop-necked tops.  The kids have a dress code, and I make mine follow it, and I'm pretty sure your employer has a dress code.  You should be following it, too.

Oh, and please be consistent with enforcing the student dress code.  Just because Sally is cute and petite in her little mini dress and Molly is queen-sized, don't punish Molly by sending her home for something more "appropriate" because that mini-dress doesn't look as good on her, in your opinion.  Same thing with those low-slung hip-hugging jeans or leggings. Ass crack is ass crack, regardless of who's showing it. So be consistent. And I don't want to see it on you, either, especially in the classroom.


6) Please don't push your personal agenda. Yep, school is a place for learning, expanding the mind, exploring new ideas and concepts, maybe even being a little uncomfortable with the realization that what we've always believed isn't necessarily how it really is.  But please don't push your values onto my child, and attempt to convince her that just because her parents are dyed-in-the-wool Democrats that they're stupid for voting for the Democratic candidate.  There are other ways of discussing the pros and cons of each party's candidate.  I have no objection to my child learning why you believe the Republican party is the best party to lead this country, but be respectful of the other views, too.  And remember -you're dealing with children, whose world-views are shaped at home - and just as in school, they only pick up part of the conversation - their concept of these things is still maturing.  Same goes for the other controversial topics like religion, and whether or not to discuss the reality of Santa and the Easter Bunny.

7) I do my best to prepare my child for the school day. Really, I do.  3 square meals a day, appropriate clothing for the weather, homework completed and signed, backpack ready to go.  But there comes a time when my child has to learn some responsibility, and I can only remind her so often to get her things ready to go.  If she shows up to school without homework, please don't make her call me to bring it to school. It ain't gonna happen.  You can bet if she makes that call and I do have to bring that missing piece, she will hear about it at home.  Maybe that's your point.  If so, email me or send a note home.  We'll deal with it.  And if her grade is lowered due to the missing work, or she misses recess, then maybe she'll learn to put that assignment in the backpack before she leaves for school.  I'm sorry that the learning curve for that sort of thing fell in your school year - I get that it's aggravating, because I deal with it at home ALL. THE. TIME.  So let's work together on it, shall we?

8) I promise not to believe everything Nancy says about life at school if you promise not to believe everything Nancy says about life at home.   I really don't believe that you dropped an F-bomb, or slammed a kid's hand in the desk.  I suspect Nancy was embellishing the tale for the sake of being dramatic.  Likewise, Nancy really didn't have her room stripped of all belongings for being disrespectful to her parents.  Really, she was not allowed to use the phone or watch t.v.  

9) It's difficult to hear negative things about my child. Believe me, I know he doesn't sit still.  I know she blurts out things at inappropriate times and interrupts other people.  I know he has absolutely no organizational skills and that she always has an excuse.  We're trying, really.  And sometimes I avoid conference day because I know, based on the number of detention referrals that come home, that what I'm going to hear isn't good.  Isn't there at least one good thing you could tell me about my kid?  Is he kind to other people? Did he finally remember to bring back his homework, even if it wasn't fully finished?

I know I'm not the perfect parent.  If I ask for advice on something, please be candid.  Even if you don't have children of your own, you've had many in your care over the years - and you'll likely have some insight that I wouldn't otherwise have.  


For those of you who do this, thank you for finding the good in my child, even when s/he is at their most challenging and unlikable.  

If I could give you what I feel you deserve for teaching my child not only academic subjects, but also for modeling common decency toward others - especially toward others for whom being kind is very challenging - I would go broke.  Please don't hate me if I just send a card with a brief note.

Sincerely,

A parent