Boobs on a Platter

Some women keep hoping for a change in women's fashions, and it seems now that there are even some men who are hoping for the same.

I find this rather surprising, since most men I encounter, regardless of age, are always intrigued by encountering the fairer sex who give every appearance of serving their bosoms on a platter.

My parents, after returning from a wedding reception one evening, were overheard to remark, "I've never seen so many breasts in one place before!"

Of course, we know that breasts exist and are present on every male and female in the universe. What my parents were referring to was the baring of so many breasts -- not in their entirety, of course, but very close to it.

Lately, "Boobs on a Platter," as my better half refers to this phenomena with a half-dazed look, has been the topic among lots of people. Besides my parents and my husband, that is.

A co-worker of mine mentioned to me that she wished the skin-tight flimsy-fabric t-shirt motif would go out of style. Not only had she seen this look worn by some of the younger people in our place of employment who were there for internships, but was she was starting to see the same styles on some of the staff.

My brother, whose place of employment also hosts interns of various ages, remarked recently that lots of the young women at his workplace were also falling prey to the "Boobs on a Platter" look. He felt it was really distracting to try and have a conversation because he couldn't help but notice the woman's breasts simply because they were nearly pushed up to chin level, ensconced in a skin-tight shirt, and exposing lots of cleavage.

This marvel is not limited to women who are generally referred to as buxom, either. The smaller-breasted of the sisterhood are also seen about town sporting the wonders of the push-up bra, wearing skin-tight shirts, and exposing lots of skin in the chest area.

Now, if I've said before a hundred times, I guess I'll have to say it again a hundred times.

It doesn't matter to me if a woman is overweight, at the perfect weight, or underweight. Skin-tight clothing is never flattering.

It doesn't matter to me if you have small breasts or large breasts. Skin-tight clothing is not flattering. 

This idea of skin-tight t-shirts is definitely not attractive, especially because the women who wear them somehow feel compelled to add yet another skin-tight t-shirt over the skin-tight t-shirt they are already wearing. Do they feel, perhaps, that the layering of skin-tight shirts is a way to camouflage their breasts, which appear to be ever straining against the weak tide of flimsy fabric?

Our foresisters fought long and hard for equality in the workplace, which is still not ours to embrace in its entirety. Certainly women and men should not be judged by the clothing they wear. However, there should be standards -- especially in the workplace.

The "Boobs on a Platter" wonder is not being served just at places like Hooters or the local strip club. No, "Boobs on a Platter" seems to be a feature at nearly every business place that used to have, or should have, a standard dress code. That is, appropriate attire for both men and women. Shirts with buttons and necklines that don't expose tons of cleavage or bare shoulders. Skirts that can still be fashionably short, but don't require the wearer to avoid sitting down because the skirt then rides up higher than it ought. Shoes that are closed-toe, or at least not obviously sandals or the now ubiquitous flip-flop. Pants that don't expose any unwary co-worker to plumber's crack and the knowledge that his or her office mate wears thongs, or doesn't wear any undergarments at all.

My spouse shook his head in dazed dismay as he pontificated on how unprofessionally many of the younger women dressed lately. He thought that, some day, they'd have to start wearing clothing that would help them be taken seriously.

"Honey," I said, "'some day' the people you tell me about are going to be in charge of the work place, and so that standard of dress may become the norm."  That pretty much stopped him in his tracks.

I'm not saying that women shouldn't dress attractively, or that all women's clothing should be unflattering to each figure.  What I'm saying is, let's grow up a little bit, ladies.  There's a time and place for you to display your cleavage and the tramp stamp *ahem* sorry--the tattoo you have across your lower back.  Your place of employment is not the place for baring your skin and all of its art forms, unless you work for Hooters or the local strip club, or perhaps a tattoo parlor where you want to advertise the art form you sell. 

And it's not fair to get all uprighteously peeved when a man refuses to take you seriously when he can observe you bending over and be able to lob a rolled up wad of 8 1/2 x 11 paper into the gap of your butt cleavage as well as the gap of your breast cleavage and still have room to spare for more.  When your clothes are so tight that others can see the outline of your undergarments, or the lack thereof, your clothes are . . . too tight. 

So loosen up a little and buy something that is a little more figure-flattering and a little more professional for your job.  If you refuse to buy anything over a size ten because you've always been a size ten, you need to remember that the number on the tag is just a number and it's time to get over yourself.

Men can be just as ridiculous in their clothing choices, but that's for another day.

Meantime, would you like some barbecue sauce to go with that breast meat?