Commemorative Plate Hell and other things we should learn to live without

Every Sunday newspaper brings with it many advertisements for useful as well as entirely useless "What the HELL were they thinking" things.



What the HELL were they thinking?

The prize this week goes to whomever decided monkeys were really cute and marketed this (photo at right). 

In my opinion, the only cute monkey is the one behind bars in a zoo, or running wild in some place I'll never encounter it. I personally find monkeys rather . . . disgusting.

Curious George,
who was a good little monkey
and always curious.
newton.lib.ia.us

Except for Curious George.  Who was, as we all know, a good little monkey and always curious. 

I don't know what it is.  Perhaps there are more people in this world with a large amount of expendable income who are really into collecting this sort of thing. 

I have nothing against people who want to collect things, because I have my fair share of "collections" like books, stickers, and stationery products that I use up, and fabric (which I also use up) and stuff like that.  But - I really wonder WHY in the world would anybody want to collect a statue of a monkey named "Mollie" who is wearing a toddler girl outfit and not looking at all the least bit cuddly? Oh, and this object can be had "for 5 interest-free installments of just $29.99" (that translates into just $149.95, if you don't want to do the math).

Michaelangelo's David
garden-statues.com

What .... did Michaelangelo create this creepy looking monkey, and thus justify the cost?

Princess Diana & Prince Charles
Too bad he turned into a frog
thriftshop.net

I think not.

The next worst thing, I think, would be to start purchasing commemorative plates.  I know I want to memorialize Princess Diana & Prince Charles, Elvis (young and swinging, as well as old and pudgy), the Beatles, and various objects that let the world know how materialistic I really am - like motorcycles, antique cars, and whatnot.

"Now they're singing for Jesus."
sonic.net

I'm thinking my personal favorite, though is this one.

For all I know, Jesus liked Elvis's gospel tunes as well as the irrepressibly danceable "Jailhouse Rock."  He might also have greatly enjoyed "Thriller" and "She's Outta my Life." Perhaps Jesus even, for a time, donned a sparkled glove and slicked his hair back in an Elvis-style pompadour.

Somehow though, the image of Our Savior with his arms outstretched and upraised in the background of a man in black who looks like a circus clown and a man who looks, without his mic, like he might be ready to vomit, doesn't strike me as particularly - reverent - let alone like He is happy to have Elvis and Michael bopping about in the heavenly clouds.

I wonder, instead, if our Savior is saying, "Aw come on Dad, do I HAVE to have my picture taken for a commemorative plate with these two?  I mean, I like Elvis - he was a good boy and loved his mother (Jesus, and America, too), and I know Michael was a good boy when he was a boy, but - well, I'm really not sure this is an image I want to portray to our faithful, Dad . . . Can I take a rain check?"