Driving with Daisy

It's happening.

The gray hairs are sprouting profusely upon my head.

Why?

Not simple old age, though that would be plenty of reason.

 No, the gray hairs are here because my teen-aged daughter is learning how to drive.

"Daisy," aka "Big Sister," is a responsible kid.  She's an excellent student, she's mature, she's smart, she uses her head for something other than a hat rack.

Her dad has taken her out driving several times on those country roads, and she's practiced moving the car from driveway to garage.  So her first time driving, in formal driver's education wasn't too terrible.  She could turn a corner with ease, maintain her speed, and change radio stations with the flick of a fingertip.

Hi & Lois comic strip

In an attempt to set a better example (*ahem) I made a concerted effort to bring my own driving skills up to driver's education standards.

• Proper lane changes.

• When turning corners and presented with multiple lanes, choosing the closest lane to me and then making a proper lane change.

• Coming to a complete stop at EVERY corner that is marked with a stop sign.

• Maintaining the posted speed limit.  

• Biting my tongue when other drivers do stupid things that make me want to cuss.  "That's road rage," my daughter stated, as I matter-of-factly and calmly said to the car in front of me, "Way to cut me off, jerk."  

What? I didn't even call that person what I was really thinking, like mother-effing asshole  and I didn't even raise my voice.

Driver's education back in the dinosaur days never addressed "road rage."

How things have changed.

One thing that hasn't changed is the "stop, then creep up and stop again" move that I remember from Driver's Ed. days.  If you're feeling puzzled, don't.  You've probably just forgotten what that entailed.

www.clkr.com
crosswalk - where would you stop?

Say you're pulling up to a stop sign.  Most of us pull up until we can see around any obstacles in our view so we can see if it is then safe to cross through the intersection.   At an intersection where there is a stop sign, cars are supposed to stop at the stop sign, or at the white line that marks the cross walk for pedestrians.

I recall my instructor saying, "You just ran over a pedestrian," when I chanced to stop the vehicle over those white lines.

Students are taught to first stop at the stop sign or the white lines, and then creep forward and stop a second time when the view isn't obstructed by parked vehicles, construction, overgrown shrubbery, etc.  When the way is clear, after 2 complete stops, you are to then proceed through the intersection.

This works fine when you're not at a 4-way stop, and there aren't other cars present.

At a 4-way stop, people get confused when they see a driver pull up and stop ("Oh good! The driver stopped.  Now it's my turn to go!") and then pull up again ("No, wait a minute. What are they doing? They stopped, and now they're moving again. It's not their turn to go through the intersection. . .is it?")  and then stop a second time ("They're stopping again.  What the hell. Is it ok for me to pull through, or not?").

I reached this conclusion only after multiple false starts from multiple people we encountered at 4-way stops.  "Daisy, you're confusing people when you do that. Just pull up, stop, check for pedestrians, bikes, and cars, wait  your turn if you need to, and keep driving," I said in exasperation.

"BUT MOOOOM," Daisy replied, "They'll FAIL me if I don't do that! That's how Veronica flunked HER driving test and she had to take it over again!"

True story.

Another thing I've noticed while Driving with Daisy is that, after she has come to a complete stop and is ready to get the vehicle moving again, she feels the need to immediately be at the posted speed limit.  This reminds me of that THX blip that would play before every video or movie  - except the transition is much less smooth.  "SLOW DOWN!"  I say, attempting not to slam on that imaginary brake that I wish was on the passenger side.  "You can only go as fast - or SLOW in this case!- as the cars around you, regardless of the posted speed limit!"

Daisy just sighs.  "I KNOW, mom. . ."

I seriously don't know how I ever got a driver's license, because I had much less time behind the wheel than Daisy - who only has a permit, and isn't fully licensed yet.  I think this graduated licensing system in our state is probably the best thing this state has ever done, when it comes to licensing young adults.  If it weren't in place, I would propose that young people begin learning to drive at the age of 12, driving something indestructible - like a tank. Then, by the age of 15 or 16, they can try out their skills on the family car.

Daisy is used to driving a floor shift, which pops into gear a little easier than my on-the-column dealie.

My most recent gray hairs, after a rolled stop sign, a few THX moves, and some really short stops, came inside the car, inside the garage.

Daisy pulled up and parked and did a fine job wedging the car into the narrow space allotted for it in the garage.  I attempted to exit the vehicle.  The door would not open.  The locks were engaged.  I thought for a moment.  "Daisy," said I, "Please turn on the car one more time."

Daisy turned the key in the ignition.  I looked at the dashboard lights.  "Daisy," said I, "Please put your foot on the brake and put the car in park."

Daisy's face was carefully blank as she followed instructions.  "Daisy," said I, "now please turn the car off, again."

Daisy complied.

I tried the door.  It opened.

The following morning, I attempted to leave for work. I started the car.

Nothing happened.

I tried again.

Nothing happened.

Third time's always the charm, so I tried again.

Nothing happened.

My first thought:  Daisy.

My second thought:  New battery, completely dead.

amhistory.si.edu
Anybody remember those wonderful "simulators" we had
back in the 1980s?

"Husband," called I, "I'm walking to work - the car won't start."  I wasn't happy, but I live close enough that I can walk, if I want  need to - though I don't relish taking my life into my hands by crossing five lanes of traffic on one of the busies thoroughfares in town.

At the end of my day, I found a note on the cupboard from Husband.  "The battery is fine. The car was not fully in 'park' when it was turned off."

My first thought:  Daisy.

My second thought: So glad it isn't a dead (brand new) battery.

Daisy was feeling rather sheepish when I explained how my day had started.

We'll be practicing what it sounds like when the car is fully in "park."  The door locks click open, for one thing.

torontoist.com

Gray hairs sproing into place when we're driving in parking lots, too.  You've all been there, I bet some of you have done this, too.  You're looking for a parking place, and you drive over those white lines where the cars are NOT parked in your haste to find the right spot, rather than using the aisles.  My instructor told me once, too, "You just drove over some parked cars."

I have since gotten out of the habit of driving over parked, invisible cars - for many reasons.  One, if you're driving over empty parking places, anybody else who's driving in that parking lot has no idea where you're going.  Two, if you're driving over parking spaces, you aren't in the aisles intended for driving, and if you hit me,  my bet is that you're getting the ticket, not me, because you're not driving in the designated driving space. You're driving over empty parking spaces.

I can already hear your arguments.  "THERE'S NOBODY THERE, WHO CARES?"  There isn't anybody there - until suddenly there is, in that designated aisle way, and you've just hit them in your haste to cut across parking spaces and find a place to park.  So unless that lot is empty of other vehicles, drive where you're supposed to.  That's what those lines are for, asshat

According to this web site , Rules of the Road should apply in parking lots, too.

"Even when the rules of the road don't legally apply, drivers should still be following them in parking lots, says Bobbie Turcotte, manager of CAA driver training. That means, for example, not zooming diagonally though empty parking spaces to get to an exit more quickly

“We'd never have students driving through empty parking spaces,” Turcotte says. “Instead of cutting through spaces and lanes where there are no vehicles, you should treat the lanes in the parking lot as though they are lanes of traffic on a road."

I wish we'd follow the lead of our Canadian neighbors on this one.

"I'll let you out, red car, even though there is traffic in
the other lane. I don't mind totaling someone else's vehicle,
as long as you get to pull out and not have to wait
any longer!"
DON'T DO IT!

Another thing I encourage Daisy to do is probably considered rude by many of you, who naturally want to instill good manners in all areas of life, including driving.

When you are driving in one direction, and a vehicle is trying to make a left-hand turn which would mean crossing your lane to do so (such as to enter or exit a parking lot or side street) do NOT.  I repeat.  Do NOT stop and wave that person through.  You are then an accident waiting to happen.

Sure, you think you're being polite - because we've all been in those Interminable Left Turn situations. You wait and you wait and you wait and you're getting wrinkles by the minute and soon you're drawing social security -   and now finally traffic has cleared and you can make your turn.

If you're on a four-lane road, the traffic in the other lane may not realize you're allowing somebody to cut across.  Guess what happens?  Yep - car turns out of parking lot because you waved it through, and person in left lane smashes right into it - or the person turning out of the lot smashes into a moving vehicle in the other lane.

THANK YOU for being so fucking stupid  kind.  You've now just helped two people wreck their vehicles, and likely sustain injury. 

How do I know this? Because I am Oz the Great and Powerful and All-Knowing.  Because this has happened to Husband.  He was the person who was hit by the car who was turning out of a parking place, waved through by a well-meaning asshat person who thought they'd be kind and let this person into traffic.  

Oh the list of annoying and dangerous driving habits of Other People is very long.  I'd continue, but I have to go do something about all those gray hairs.